VI. The First Formal Ceremony

[madaboutit]

Various Teas
Talk of Touching
Oiling Down
Kissing
Jinx interruption
Jinx Becomes Second

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The footsteps in the hall sound lighter than normal, and it quickly becomes apparent that her breakfast tray isn’t being delivered by Sweeney, but instead, the female servant who had tended Vex in those early days when he had been obligated elsewhere. As before, she says nothing, just deposits the tray on the vanity and leaves.

As her steps start to fade, a more familiar set heads towards the room, and soon enough, Sweeney’s at the door with a tray in hand. It’s not difficult to tell why this was a two-person affair; the one he has is significantly larger than normal, and it’s piled with all sorts of things. Cups and jars, an earthen pot, and an ornate stoneware kettle are huddled tight towards the center. There seems to be a couple of small books and some candles as well. A basket is strapped across his shoulder, leaving the rolled carpets and cushions safely uncrumpled at his hip.

Sweeney offers a quick smile before turning to shut the door.

“I hope your sleep was restful,” he offers, not looking back to her. Instead, he turns to the area in the room that offers the most open space, and kneels to set everything down on the floor.

Comments

[whatsinfrontofyou]

There's a pause then; she's committed herself now, but Vex isn't quite sure what to say. She stayed up half of the night before thinking about how to word it, and it seemed like she'd come up with a dozen different ways to say it.

And she'd thought, when she brought it up, that she'd know the right one.

She also thought that maybe getting the question out of her system would make her less... sensitive.

Vex is pretty sure, if only for an instant, that she's an idiot and this was a bad idea.

What finally comes out, after twisting the words for another moment, is: "Do you think I don't enjoy you touching me?"

[madaboutit]

He stares for a beat, then blinks. Sweeney's not sure what he was expecting, but it most certainly wasn't that. His mind scrambles to take stock of their shared experiences. There's an impulse to generalize with the easy answer, but he doesn't want to do her disservice.

"I...I think you like when I wash yer hair." The slight lift asks whether that's an accurate statement.

It's the only thing he remembered her...well, not asking for, but asking if he'd be doing it when they'd tried the ritual again. It gave the impression that she looked forward to it, so he figures it's a reasonable guess.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

Vex blinks, then blinks again before staring at Sweeney for a long moment. She takes in his hesitation. The fact he disputes her with one example, and even that has an air of uncertainty.

She's not sure if she wants to laugh or cry as she takes it in.

In the end, she does neither (at least not yet), but bows her head and hisses, "Fuck."

It seems she really did manage to fuck this up spectacularly.

"That's it?"

[madaboutit]

Okay, yeah. This is definitely something he did wrong. Or was wrong because he didn't do. Sweeney's still trying to catch up and doing his best not to get tangled as he continues.

"I don't thinks that's the only thing ever,--" He'd gotten her off, at all, so surely that was nice. Except for all the guilt and cage business.

"--but I know the other bits make you uncomfortable, a lotta the time. I just wanna minimize that." Sweeney presses his lips and sighs through his nose.

"I know you tolerate a lot." He diverts his attention briefly to the tray. "'s why I thought this might be a nice change of pace." Nothing overtly sexual, minimal Obedience. Safest touching.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

Vex winces. It seems so impossible. Surely how much she wants him to touch her has been written on her face, in her body's every reaction to him. It feels so obvious that it hadn't occurred to her that the fact she enjoys his touch, at least as a concept, hadn't been almost pathetically clear.

But she hasn't said that, and as Jinx brought to her attention it's clear she has been uncomfortable with some of his touches. She has recoiled, and she's responded negatively... especially when she's been taken off guard. She hasn't meant to. It's as much surprise and anxiety as anything... but it's true she responds poorly. And it's true there is a good deal she tolerates.

A little belatedly, she says, "This is a nice change of pace."

It's painfully evident that she needs to be clearer. As hard as it is to say aloud, too much seems to be lost in the silence to deny.

"And... I suppose it's true there are a lot of things I merely tolerate." The bathing has gotten easier, and there are parts of it she would say she does like. Her hair first and foremost. But she can't deny that having her backside cleaned as an adult leaves her feeling awkward at best. "But darling, I—on the whole, I do enjoy when you touch me."

She flails then, looking for an example, and something other than when he got her off. As nice as the orgasm is, she wants to be clear it's not just that she's coming.

"I look forward to the parts of your rituals when you kiss me," she says quickly, her cheeks coloring. "Even just on the forehead."

She likes the forehead kisses more than she likes to admit.

[madaboutit]

He is encouraged by her approval of the chosen activity, but then she keeps going, and the smile takes on a bit of a crinkle. It doesn't drop completely; just becomes a little confused.

If she enjoys it so much, why does she tense so regularly? Why is so much barter and compromise? He'd give it freely. But there's comfort in the fact she enjoys the light kisses enough to note them, and his smile gets stronger again. Vex is using her words to express something that he clearly didn't understand, and he wants to offer her the same in kind, if he's able.

"I just..." He shrugs his head with a bit of sheepishness.

"I know ya push through things. That ya know it has ta be done, so you grit an' take it." Sweeney's is quick to add: "An' it's admirable; you doin' that when ya rather not. I ain't suggestin' you need ta like anythin' expected of you." That bit out of the way, he brings it back to her main point.

"But I'm more than happy ta do more'a that kissin', if it pleases you." Even if it's just the chaste ones, it's still something, and that's good.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

"More would be welcome."

It doesn't feel like it addresses the whole situation, but it's a start. She thinks it's a start anyway, right? She's trying. He's trying.

That has to be worth something.

But they've both been trying, so maybe that's not so encouraging.

"More of other things as well."

[madaboutit]

"Other things..." Sweeney repeats the phrase with a slow nod. He's clearly looking for further clarification of what that means, but it's probably disrespectful to put that impetuous on her. So instead, he just asks.

"How would you like me ta touch you?" It's a strangely innocent question, and he's ready to listen.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

It's a very fair question to ask, and Vex wishes she had a better answer. After staying up the night before, it seems like she should know.

But here she is.

"I don't know—or I do, I guess. I just... it's a broad question. I don't exactly have a shopping list."

[madaboutit]

Alright, so maybe that's unfair of him. But since she had the kissing thing lined up, he was kind of hoping there might be more to learn. Sweeney decides to come at it from the other direction, instead.

"Well...what sorta things do you not like?"

[whatsinfrontofyou]

"I don't like things that make me feel helpless," she says, her voice low. It's not specific, which she suspects makes it less useful. But at least it's some context.

It might explain part of why she flinches like she does, when she does. The way she bucks against control.

"It's not really the touching that's the problem, not usually."

[madaboutit]

He's quiet a few seconds longer, understanding the basic idea, but not the application. Sweeney's lips part, but it takes him another breath to speak.

"Can ya give me some examples?" There's increasing concern that he'll guess wrong, if she doesn't.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

Vex sighs, closing her eyes and wondering on some level why she decided to mess with the tea education. That wasn't bad.

"The bathing ritual was difficult the first time. It's gotten easier, but it's hard when I don't know what to expect..." Admitting it isn't easy, either. She doesn't enjoy that vulnerability.

It's also feels like a pretty big no shit.

"It's not your fault. It's not you. It's just hard to trust."

[madaboutit]

His mind is left skittering through fragments, trying to label the good from the bad, hoping to find a better path forwards. Something clicks. Sweeney's not certain, but he figures it's worth the ask.

"It's 'cause yer not in control?"

[whatsinfrontofyou]

"Yes?" Her lips thin as she tries to figure out how to explain it. "In part, at least. Which I realize is going to be a problem."

She is very certain the Summer King has no intention of having her take the reins.

"It's also... I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I realize that doesn't entirely make sense." It's not as though he hasn't told her. "But it feels like I'm supposed to just relax and let things happen. I case you hadn't noticed, I'm not very good at that."

[madaboutit]

The bout of silence is longer this time as he tries to balance between what he would normally do, and what he's willing to do. His gaze is unfocused, and slightly to the side.

"You want everythin' detailed ahead of time. Before I touch you." It's a question, but only barely.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

"That doesn't sound very reasonable, does it."

At best. If she's supposed to trust him, it may even be self-defeating.

[madaboutit]

Does it matter? He presses his lips, and his gaze shifts to the tray between them.

"If that's what it takes fer you ta trust me enough...I'll try."

There's the clear inflection that he's disappointed that it needs to be that way, but he's adjusting his expectations, in hopes that the future efforts will be easier for her. Maybe that will make them easier for him, too. Progress is progress, he reminds himself.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

Vex covers her mouth with her hands, closing her eyes. Knowing ahead of time would be helpful. At least she thinks it would. She thinks that would be easier for her.

But that's not what she meant out of this conversation. Somehow, what she's trying to do keeps getting skewed. And she's fairly sure it's at least half her fault.

"I'm trying to say I want you to touch me more. That's what I meant to say—bringing this up."

[madaboutit]

His eyes flick up to her, his affect smooth but not overtly tender. Just honest.

"You say ya want me ta touch you more. But you don't know how ya want it, only how ya don't." It's simple as that, really.

"This is the way I figure ta do that, 'til ya have more answers ta give me."

It's not his ideal either, but it's better than upsetting her more than he already does. That said, the floor is clearly left open for counter proposal.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

"What if you touched me more when it's not part of a ritual?"

Most of the touches that make her uncomfortable are—rituals, or ceremonies or rites.

[madaboutit]

She's close enough to see the bob of his throat, even beneath his beard. Sweeney tries to choose his words carefully.

"Are ya--" No. He starts again.

"Do ya mean tendin' touchin', like brushin' yer hair or oilin' yer skin? Or are you lookin' fer me ta be more..." What's a good word?

"...familiar?"

The former leave a clear line of roles, even outside of ritual. The other...is a slippery slope.

[whatsinfrontofyou]

"...Both?"

Her voice raises at the end, clearly not entirely confident. Like it's more of a suggestion than an answer.

Vex huffs and tries to sound firmer.

"It seems to me that might also be a way to build trust? Or at least to make it less awkward. Maybe it would be easier to relax during rituals if having you touch me felt more normal."

[madaboutit]

Sweeney's trying. His eyes fall again as he ponders on how to make it work. He has to press his lips before saying a truth that he shouldn't, and he's eager for one to replace it. All he can do is repeat his sentiment.

"If it's what need you ta trust me...I'll try."

BUT.

"I just...I shouldn't get too familiar. I'll do my best."

[whatsinfrontofyou]

"I've never done this, so it's not as though I can speak from experience, but I think it would help." Maybe that's wishful thinking, or maybe she's not understanding, but it's the best she has at the moment.

Of course, the second part raises another question.

"You already fingered me once," she points out, diving in when they can't really tip toe around the fact anymore. "That seems pretty familiar."

To say nothing of what Jinx all but promised he'd do to her if he were in Sweeney's place.

"What's too familiar?"